Lack of confidence??
I realized that Sebastian lack of confidence when come to competition, the first competition he had was Taekwando competition held last month. It was OK when we were on the way to the venue and he himself looking forward for it too. When we reached the venue he still look happily until we stepped into the hall. He started to pull back and cried. I talked to him and console him then his teacher came and had a word with him too.
Then when come to his turn he do not want to stepped in and cried even the master and his friend console him and his teacher too go and get him vitagen to bribe him. It does not work, so I ran towards him and talk to him too and tell him that I’ll bring him to Mega Kidz if the stopped crying and go for the competition. I even told him you don’t have to win and I just want you to step in the fighting ring. I tried many methods to bribe him but it unsuccessful. So I gave up and told the teacher to disqualified him.
At that moment, I’m really disappointed not that he did not win, but he didn’t even go and try. The next day, we talked to him and asked him what is the reason he pull back, he told us that he scare and have lots people at that time, then hubby explains to Sebastian what does competition means and have a clear picture for him on the environment of the competition this and that. He nodded that he understand the terms of competition and promise that he will go ahead and won’t be scare anymore.
Then come to Piano competition last Saturday at his centre among the centre students only and closed door where few teachers as the judges and parents. They grouped into few groups and Sebastian was in second group and it’s consisted of 8 – 10 students. Again, we talked to him everyday and even the day before his competition for him to prepared. He looked happily and said to us he will understand and won’t scare. So, when we reached the centre that evening, he looks calm and ask lots of question, but when come to his turn where teacher ushers the students and parents to the room, he started to look nervous and can see tears in his eyes. Again, he pull back and told us he do not want to enter the competition. I can tell you at that moment, I am really angry and disappointed, I did not talk to him, I know I shouldn’t behave like that but I can’t control myself. I let hubby take over and I went out to take a deep breath.
Is he really lack of confidence but if really no confidence at all, he still performance perfectly during the concert time. What had made him act like this? I really have no idea and scratching my head now. Is there any classes to built up confidence or should I enter more and more competition for him to get rid of his fear inside him.
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13 comments:
I think he is scare of crowd. Perhaps you should let him perform in front of family, relatives and friends to gain his confidence.
i have not reached this stage yet, but will be soon. i was thinking, do u think we shd just tell the kids once or twice and then let it be and do other things to distract him instead of telling our kids over and over again? i mean like make dont know? i think i will go thru this phase soon...wat do u think of my suggestion? now that u hv experienced it, any other way to approach our kids?
I think it's kinda like stage fright... uncntrollable.. I think vickylow's suggestion is good.. start him off in front of those that he knows and then gradually build up his confidence.. all the best :-)
Another approach is to just tell him to go out there and have fun..no one will judge him..there are so many kids doing it too.
Or agree with him that it's kinda scarey at first but once he does it a few times it'll be much easier.
I still don't like to get up on a stage to give a speech...so I do get it.
It is too much for kid especially when it comes to the big moments. They scared of crowd. Be patient, he will used to the big events as he grows! :0
I guess he's nervous when he knows he'll be judged in wat he's doing. And there were a lot of ppl watching then. Maybe u can tell him it's the same thing as his exam or coloring contest in kindy? He was also judged - given points and there'll be a winner. Hope he'll overcome this fear as he grows older.
I think it is good to explain to our children about how is their feeling. Let him know it is ok to be scare or nervous or afraid to fail. We all have the same feeling even the other kids that join the competition but they try it. And maybe it is not that bad.
Let him to try first to let him know maybe it is not that bad after all. Or maybe you can create a story about your childhood experience and make him more comfortable before the big day.
Good luck
Even my very bold little boy who is an extrovert is facing fear of stage. He is suppose to perform for a Christmas play but keep wanting to back out.
Sigh.
Hope they grow out of it when he gets a little older. Still 7 yrs old.
Many adults also have stage fright. Can pee type.
I think its the crowd too. My 2nd born just had stage fright last month too. haha. I guess the next time round,I can do as the others suggested, get the kid to perform in front of families and friends before hand.
Not all kids are brave enough to parade themselves in front of public. I was a really shy kid too.
Maybe you can start by asking him to sing or perform his taekwondo for your family member first. I'm sure it'll help build his confidence.
Oh, poor Sebastian.....It's very normal for kids to behave this way. It is because he has so much expectations of himself that he freaks out everytime because he is afraid of failure. Perhaps you can show him how you and your husband fail too sometimes, but that doesn't mean you are any lesser of a person. You're still great parents, right?!
My girl also sets very high standards for herself and gets very frustrated if she doesnt win. She knows we don't mind but she herself puts herslef under so much pressure.....
Don't say about Sebastian, we adults are nervous too whenever have to be speak in front of a group of people .. It's indeed very natural especially when a kid starts to grow up. When a kid is still a kid, they are not afraid of anything, will not feel shy too ... This also means that your boy is no longer a little kid, is a big boy already :) We as parents just don't give up easily, try again and again to let him be on stage anytime .. Sometimes, the parents whom I know here like to arrange their kid to entertain the guest after a gathering or a simple dinner at home (or even during a trip).. It can be short story telling, display(or just explain) their simple drawing to us, etc .. I think it does a great help for the kids to gain confidence little by little through this way :)
Just my two cents words .. Hope it helps .. and Merry X'mas!
Even he is promise for going up the stage again, but when comes to the real scene the feel is different already. He still need more time to get use to the crowd. Don't be upset about it, he sure can do better next time.
Perhaps some group performance with his classmate can help. More people together will be less nervous. Sometime we adult also will shake when being alone.
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